spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
