u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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