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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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