Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
