I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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