It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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