shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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