cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
