i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
