so that wasnt chicken after all
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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