So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
