it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
