You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
