What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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