I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
