My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
