i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
