therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
