Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize