1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
