Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
