I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
