My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
