wake up i wanna do it froggy style
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
