It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
did i walk over a car last night?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
