I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
