Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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