The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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