fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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