Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
