I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
