Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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