There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
