i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
