I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
