Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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