Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
