youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
