Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How external is "for external use only"?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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