i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
