I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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