I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
