I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
