1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
