I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
