I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
