none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
