i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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