He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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