I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
