my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
