If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
