I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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