Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
